Why You Need Community Now More Than Ever
Here we are. December 2017. We’re about to enter another year where things will evolve, including our DNA. We are changing as humans by putting so much pressure on our bodies, inner-selves and the environment. If you sit back and reflect on what has happened over the past 117 years, can you imagine what’s in store for the planet over the next 100? I personally can’t and I have a pretty colourful imagination!
With all of this change I feel like a huge amount of the population is in a sense suffocating. We have been designed over thousands of years to feel safe, grounded, loved and worthy based on community and connection. Our tribe was our protection both physically and mentally.
Our tribes’ elders would teach us, show us the way. Comfort us when we were in vulnerable places, reprimand us when we stepped out of line. We had a village to help raise a family, teach us about what to expect, how to work through the difficulties, how to eat and what herbs to take to heal.
We had people close to us to reflect ourselves. To tell us stories as well fell asleep, and gently wake us up to see a deer in the woods, or a beautiful sunrise and warmly tell us there’s another day to be had.
All of these things helped us raise our dopamine levels and feel connected, loved, and safe.
What I have personally experienced and observe in society is a massive disconnect based on how our minds, bodies and souls have evolved to expect certain things like community and connection vs what we’re actually receiving.
A friend of mine who is a family physician speaks of how women come into the hospital with basic questions about their child’s health. One’s that would have been easily managed at home with the help of other women in their social circle just 50 years ago. She wonders where is her support network? Where are the sisters, elders and community to help teach and guide a young mother through the scary and difficult times with a newborn child?
On another note, dating seems to have become a business. It’s no longer the birds and the bees, it’s Tinder and Bumble. A machine with working parts that seems to not often actually work. The days of seeing someone across the room and feeling your skin tingle, heart rate increase and temperature go up are almost non-existent. We now flip through photos of humans we have never, and may never see. Judging based on what exactly?
We used to meet people through friends, and colleagues. Potential suiters were vouched for and you could get some dirt on whether they were an asshole or not (both male and female!).
Now we are in the age of swiping more and ghosting often. People connect, dopamine goes up, feelings develop and then they ghost. This happens so often now that it’s what’s expected and the ‘norm’. What has happened to our sense of worth? How often are these interactions leaving us feel worthy, powerful and valuable?
I feel we have lost our grace. Our integrity. Why? Because we are often not being taught. Our focus is on building successful businesses, travelling more and having social media accounts that wow complete strangers.
I’m not saying that wanting those things makes you bad in any way, though what if we could have both? What if we could have a modern and progressive life but also outsource traditional connection and community?
What would that look like for you? Can you see it or dream it up?
I went through a time of deep sadness feeling disconnected from what my cells and soul desperately craved. I’m blessed to have found my soul mate and true love and was lucky enough to have met him on the street, in my community and through mutual friends (I know how rare that is). Though the pressure of having my multi-faceted needs of connection and community met solely by my boyfriend was not fair, and to be honest, not realistic.
I had to get clear in my mind that I wanted solid friends and also get clear on what qualities they would have. I started ‘showing up’ more for the friends that I didn’t spend much time with who I knew were my tribe. I began supporting them, reaching out more, showing them that I care, think of them and want to be a part of their lives.
The response I got was incredible. I could sense that they felt seen and loved. Connection was sparking.
I got a random email from a dear friend asking if I’d like to come to a casual evening event with other conscious women who were looking to build a strong network of women who were driven, activated, spiritual, loving and open-minded. I excitedly replied ‘YES!’ And invited my partner in crime and dear friend, Dr Murphy.
We’ve met several times at each others homes offering meals, open-minds and ears and we bring realness as well as our questions and difficulties in our hearts, businesses and relationships.
We each speak, listen and give heartfelt and loving advice. Sometimes we just listen. We have formed a tribe that works for us. Instead of resenting society for being disconnected and different than what our hearts desired, we stepped up and created what our cells and souls were craving.
There is so much that can come from outsourcing connection in a conscious way. One major lesson I’ve learned is that intense energy that sometimes comes when meeting someone new (friend or romantic) and feels confusing and anxious, is usually a red flag. Friends, boyfriends and co-workers who offer connection and also come with above mentioned energy often means there is trouble looming ahead. It’s so important to recognize the qualities we want in our tribe and wait for proof. To look for that more stable yet loving energy. Warm, yet calm and trustworthy.
In a world where we are more connected yet more lonely than ever before I believe we can really benefit from slowing down, getting clear on what we want from others but also how we’d like to be received. Think of that person who makes you feel so understood. When nothing you say is met with judgement. When you can speak freely and openly and you’re met with encouragement and love. How good does that feel?
Now imagine you created that x 10. Imagine you created opportunities and chose people you just knew would be that person to you. Imagine how calm, satiated, connected and loved you could feel…
And who knows…maybe they know a friend of a friend who you’d be just perfect for 🙂
This December, maybe try to create some time for you to create your own wish list. And instead of gifts maybe your list consists of the opportunities you’re going to create to find more connection, joy, love and soul-quenching happiness in 2018…
Become well with Hope,